PLAYHOUSE!

Hello, hello!

So, I recently received a call from the man, the myth, the Frank Glann. The good news, as you may have heard, is that the Huron Playhouse has officially become a non-profit, which means that they can raise their own money. However, the process was long, and ran past the deadlines of some grants that, while helpful next year, are not an option this season. They would also like to establish an alumni base online, and asked for an assist. As I suck at basketball and was never able to assist that way, I was happy to oblige this way. Lots of changes are a' brewin', including website ideas and, of course, social networking. This is all great news! At some point, I will most likely be hitting everyone up for their e-mail addresses.

Frank e-mailed me a letter to alumni to post, which, though he is with us, I like to think makes me his medium. We'll work on the telepathic stuff later. ANYWAY, this letter explains exactly where they are as a company. The long and short of it is that the financial need is still present, and they are in the midst of a final push.

Things you can do:
1. Donate.
2. Spread the word to other peops and alumni that otherwise wouldn't know.

The letter lists the mailing address for the Playhouse. If you recall, I had a PayPal account for the fundraiser last summer, and it is still active. So, if you or anyone you pimp this out to would like to make a donation, but prefer to use PayPal than send a check, the instructions are:

If you have a PayPal account:

Log in to http://www.paypal.com/, and go to the account under this email address: GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com. I will keep track of who sends what for voting purposes, as well as to update you all on how we're doing.

If you DO NOT have a PayPal account and do not wish to set one up, but would like to use a credit card:

Email me at GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com, and I will send you an invoice from PayPal and you can use your credit or debit card. IF YOU DO THIS, you must supply the following:
1. The amount that you will be donating. PayPal requires the invoices to be for the specified amount. That's why.
2. The Email address that the invoice is to be sent to.

Und now, ze Glanns:

Huron Playhouse, Inc.
Box 487
Huron, OH, 44839
February 14, 2011

Dear Alumni,

Greetings and Valentine’s time wishes. As you may have heard, the Huron Playhouse is no longer associated with BGSU or the BGSU Foundation, Inc. There was no funding from BGSU for the past two years, and the Playhouse operated for the most part on past and current donations, local foundation support and yearly income.

The prospects for the historic 63rd season look bright and donations and future foundations support are forthcoming. The HP was incorporated as of August 12, 2010, and all donations since that time are eligible as IRS tax deductions. The 501c3 IRS tax free status was granted on December 11, 2011. However, the 501c3 was necessary before application for future grants could be made. Several deadlines were missed because of this. The HP lawyers and Board of Directors have made applications for sizable grants that will kick in around June. Some will be later in the year. That being said, you can imagine there are expenses that must be met at this time. These include royalties and rentals for productions, advertising, printing, insurance, worker’s comp, certain company and staff contracts, to name a few. Support is critical NOW to bridge the gap between the time of future, and guaranteed, income to insure the survival of the HP. That is where it is hoped some of you may come in. Any amount of support is welcome. We are looking towards about $150,000 in total.

If you feel the HP has been valuable in your life, career, or social contacts, now is the time when the need is greatest to keep the dream and reality of caring, total theatre training alive. We know what a life changing experience the HP has been for so many of the 1,800 alumni, and even audience members. A number of alumni have already committed to returning this summer for special events and fund-raising. As Ron Leibman said, “When asked to come back, I will return. If it had not been for the Huron Playhouse, I wouldn’t have had my career.” The Board of Directors, John Bacon, Mark Koch, Jackie Mayer, Sue Cloak, thank you for your help when it is most needed. Donations may be made to Huron Playhouse at the above address.

Happy Valentine’s love and warm wishes,

Jann & Frank Glann

The Norwalk Reflector

State Fair Not, In fact, Best State Fair In State.
By Aaron Krause

Last Thursday, the lights ironically went down for good on one of The Huron Playhouse’s brightest beacons of hope and truth. In a tragic turn of events, shrouded in doubt only befitting a Murder Mystery (which I’ve been assured he would never wish to direct), Jim Williams, 51, of Winona, MN, was bludgeoned to death with an as yet undetermined object, as the overture played for his own show.

“Beacon?” questioned retired choral director, Marty Smith. “You just be sure to mention I never said that.” (Community member Sue Shamhart assures The Reflector that it was only the grief talking).

Beacon or no, since his absence, a dark cloud has settled over the quaint resort town, frequently dubbed A Great Lake Place! on what appear to be reliable and honest road signs. “It’s too late in the season for a swarm of mayflies, so I suppose it must be sadness. Or a cold front,” observed local resident, Frank Glann, continuing to walk to his car, “Well, either way, I should be going.” (This portion of the interview was cut short when Dr. Glann dove into a grouping of well manicured hedges, possibly to avoid further questioning). Until recently, the town, situated on the gentle grey shores of Lake Erie, was a quiet community, where anyone would equally love to retire, or raise a family (or alpacas). But not anymore.

According to eyewitnesses in the box office, there had been several altercations in the ticketing area shortly before Dr. Williams’ untimely demise. A group from the Norwalk Red Hat Society had shown up one hour prior to curtain, demanding a refund for members unable to attend. “They were pretty adamant,” recalls ticket agent Jimmy Wilson. “I tooootally tuned them out when they started b***hing about the heat and wanting to sit in the air conditioned theatre. I mean, it’s July. Take off your hat and scarf, maybe…? ANYWAY, Jim was trying to block the doors. It was like, him against 10 women in red hats, and I was all like, ‘LOLZ’.” Apparently, the LOLZ-ing was tragically premature. The suspects stormed out in flurry of resentment and Chanel No. 5, presumably for good. But as the lobby lights turned black, so did their rage. “I noticed the group was sitting outside on those nice stone benches,” recalled Dr. Ron Ruble. “Then a purple van pulled up with about 15 more, and I’ll tell you, hats were flying as they heard what happened to the first set. Had I known at the time that they were reinforcements, I would’ve waited to bring the cash box back to the office.” By the time he returned, Jim was lying in a heap over the herb planters, only recognizable by his crisp lilac shirt and skull ring, as screeching tires were heard on Jim Campbell Blvd.

According to Sandusky CSI, footprints indicate the victim was surrounded, presumably as he unchained the outer doors during the curtain speech. As the speech typically ranges anywhere from 3 to 20 minutes, T.O. D. (time of death) could be narrowed down to approximately 8:12 pm, due to blunt force trauma. However, no murder weapon was left on the scene. “Surrounded? How Braveheart! Excuse me,” exclaimed playhouse alum, Chris Conley, clutching an envelope as she rushed past the EMT’s to be seated 15 minutes after curtain. When later asked what the envelope contained, she replied tearfully, “A whole lot of irony.” (A strikingly similar envelope was seen peeking out from the neckline of Managing Director, Jann Glann’s print dress.)

Investigators did notice irregularities in the placement and lean of a lead historical marker on the front lawn. However, they determined that no human, or group, could have removed it, struck the victim, and replaced it in the time that Dr. Ruble claims to have been gone. “There is one who could,” interrupted Music Director, Kerry Glann, seeming to appear from nowhere. “Steve Boone.” Boone, former Technical Director, and Tallest Vegetarian in the Tri-State Area 16 years running, has been known by many to lift such cumbersome items as a drill press and wood lathe with no assistance. “It’s a thing of beauty,” sighed local baritone, John Glann. “In times of struggle, be it furniture moving or discovering my life path, I often ask myself, ‘WWSBD?'” He then pulled out a pendant from his shirt, displaying this mantra. It was discovered that Boone was in the audience that night, but was released after 15 hours of questioning revealed that his only involvement was replacing the marker after the fact. When asked why he didn’t report the body, he responded that he hadn’t noticed. “I have a one track mind, and when I sensed that the marker was out of place, my only goal was restoring order, and getting back to my aisle seat before it was stolen. I don’t even remember how long I was gone. I must have blacked out.” Further testing on the marker returned inconclusive results. “We found something like 35 different types of blood on this thing. I mean, I know there’s a guy who likes to give a ‘Tour of Death’, but what the hell’s been going on here?” exasperated Investigator Bacon exclaimed.

The Norwalk Red Hat ladies were apprehended the following day, but were in custody for only 3 hours due to a gross shortage of purple sheets, and immediate posting of bail raised by a last-minute, but phenomenally successful, bake sale. Lack of evidence has reduced the charges to Aggravated Assault While Overdressed.

Due to the impending end of the season, a hastily planned, but dignified, memorial service was held Saturday in the cafeteria of the McCormick School. Williams had provided a clause in his will after an earlier attempt on his life years earlier, that, should anything happen to him, he wished to have his ashes pressurized into a second blue cafeteria tray for the company. “I guess….it’s nice to have more than one, now,” sobbed Scenic Designer, Rex Stanforth, eyeing the stack of green trays. There had been a bit of a dispute when some former colleagues testified that they had heard Jim say he wanted to be taken to a taxidermist. However, this did not hold up as an oral contract and in the interest of time and not stealing the thunder of the stuffed Grizzly in the Saw Mill Creek Resort, these plans were short-lived. “Maggie could never have fit him in the display case, anyway,” explained Jim’s wife, Heather. “Besides, I know he’s happy knowing he can be a part of the company’s sustenance.”

Dozens of alumni filed in to pay their respects, and, as former Sound Designer, Fionnegan Murphy put it, “See it [Jim dead] to believe it.” In honor of his last show, State Fair, a quartet sang ‘Sweet Hog of Mine’ in costume as the mourners lined up for their memorial grilled cheese and tomato soup, with tater tots. “Jim loved tater tots,” chuckled lead actor, Geoff Stephenson, fondly, as he glanced down at the gleaming Jim tray. “It’s an honor to be the first to eat off of you, buddy. I can almost hear him giving me notes.” Stephenson’s expression immediately changed, and he left the interview to cover the tray with salad. Former company member, Ryan Burkett, expressed remorse as he waited for a second helping. “I woke up the other night with this gnawing fear, certain that something horrible was going to happen to Jim, but…then I figured I was just hungry or something, so I made a sandwich and forgot. I’ll never be hungry again. Hey, kid, keep those tots coming.”

After dinner, underscored by local bassist, Chris Bert, a scene from Jim’s favorite play, Steele Magnolias, was reenacted by alumnus Missy Aguilar and Kandis Wean, reprising their roles of Truvy and Oiuser, respectively. “Thank God we kept the wigs,” breathed Aguilar, flushed with excitement. “I know this is sad, but I feel really good about how that went. Best we ever did, Kandis!” (This statement was then followed by high-fives). After a dessert of chocolate pudding, it was announced that porcelain giant Precious Moments had created a new collectable in honor of its best customer. A tiny, carefully crafted replica of Jim with his clipboard, three cats at his feet, and glasses on his head, was revealed near the aloe plant on the window sill. Proceeds from the ‘Li’l Jim’ figurine will be donated to the Jim Williams Memorial Fund For Theatre Artists Who Sleep In Schools. “God, I hope I get it next year, “gushed company member, Nate Huntley. “I could really use some Pringles and new sheets. Oooh, maybe Star Wars!” Former company member, Amy Hunsaker, walked off in disgust. “I had to build my own *&$# walls, for *%$# sake. Forget this; I’m going to check the bathroom.” Another former member, Shaina Vencel, looked after Amy in sympathy. “This must be hard for her. I mean, we all feel a little guilty. Heck, things may have been different if only the Quonset hut were high enough to cause some real damage. I mean…not that….well, you’d understand if you ever worked here. Excuse me, I think I need more pudding.” The service ended in a full circle of all attendants, ‘passing the pulse’ in silence, followed by the entire congregation yelling, “BLUE TRAY!” in unison.

Jim is survived by his beautiful wife, Heather, and their three cats, Morgan, Emma, and Lucy. “I told her, anything she needs, she’s got it,” said aspiring sailor, Mark Koch, as he peeled the backing from his sailboat, the Still Crazy, to reveal its new name, Still Jim-zy. “Jim loved puns,” he whispered, wiping a single tear from his cheek. Williams’ ongoing memory will not only live on in sporting goods, however. I’m told that former Advanced Directing student, J. Michael Bestul, of Chicago, will be producing a black box production of An Inspector Calls in the fall. “It took 10 years, but I finally understand that play. I think I still have the paper somewhere…” Huron Playhouse will also be remounting the show that Jim often referred to as his star vehicle, Annie. “What?!” exclaimed former title character, Lara Manier, upon being handed a guest artist contract and Ace bandage. “I’m 26, come on!!”

Be it by tray, production, boat, or psychologist bills, Jim Williams will live on forever. And ever. With a persistence not unlike his own determination to jog at 6:30am. Those wishing to be spectators in the trial of the Norwalk Red Hat Ladies may do so. However, a recent motion for Change of Venue (due to difficulty finding an impartial jury) has caused an indefinite delay in the proceedings. Godspeed, Jim Williams, and may flights of penguins sing thee to thy rest.

Kill Jim for Playhouse

If you're reading this, chances are that you, or someone you know (probably me), has worked for the Huron Playhouse. Well, there have been some financial issues over the last few years, but now they are in some serious trouble. To say that their future as a company and/or an affiliate of Bowling Green is uncertain would be putting it lightly.

In case you don't know, The Huron Playhouse is an educational summer stock theatre located in Huron, OH (spitting distance from Lake Erie. Literally). It has been alive and kicking for 62 years, making it the longest running summer theatre in the state. Most of the staff is in the world of academia from colleges all over the country. The workday is 8:30am-10pm, including the evening performances when the season starts. It is a 7 week gig resulting in a 5 show season, which may sound insane. The day is divided into 3 shifts, and all acting company are required to work in various departments (scene shop, electrics, props, costumes, box office) when not in rehearsal. (Oddly enough, I spent very little time in the costume shop. Because I suck. But I did learn to cross-stitch, so take that!) Crazy right? Yes. But invaluable.

I was in the acting company my last 3 years of college, and since being what could be considered an adult, have been back to direct 3 shows. I have learned a ton there, not the least of which was, when you're around 50 people working just as hard (if not harder) with lots of deadlines, there is no time or room for ego. You may have a lead, but you're still gonna take out the trash. I learned that it is, in fact, possible to hit a high B onstage after hanging upside down with a socket wrench all day. Frankly, it taught me to work my ass off, and for that, I am forever indebted. Working in all the different departments has helped me tremendously as a director, actor, and person, and I had a blast doing it. Every theatre artist should do this at least once.

I have seen Jann Glann (Managing Director) and the rest of the staff go above and beyond to help company members, current and past, including myself. I got my first shot at directing a full-length play there, and am still grateful that they took a chance on me. Playhouse also has deep ties in the community, and brings in a lot of money to the local hotels and restaurants from family and friends of staff, subscribers, day-trippers, and more.

And the bars...I don't even want to think about what could happen to the bars. You don't want to see me cry.

Like so many others, I have had some of the best (and ridiculous) times of my life there, and the thought that they could go under because of money and circumstance is unacceptable to me. As that guy from that one movie said, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" So, what will you do, Chris?

I'm going to kill Jim Williams.

(On paper.)

But I can't do it alone.

The deal

I really want to help in some way, and if I'm left to use my talents, then I have to stick with one that I can legally use in exchange for money. Writing it is, then!

Jim Williams is the Production Coordinator for the Playhouse, as well as a director. He was my directing professor at BGSU, and is now the head of the theatre department at an undisclosed location. He is my Yoda. He is also an...acquired taste. The A.J. Pierzynski of theatre, if you will (Which, I suppose makes Jann an Ozzie Guillen, and... if you've ever heard either speak when excited, it's not a total stretch). He's the one you love to hate, but love all the same. I have known Jim for a looooong time. When I heard he was directing Annie there a few summers ago, the only thing more amusing to me would've been Equus at American Girl Place. So I wrote a fake death notice, where he was killed by a cast of little girls. This went over well, so the next time I worked there, I wrote another one. I would like to continue this, but I feel it's become a group effort. Who am I to deny anyone the joy of hypothetically killing Jim?

The Skinny:

I'm asking for donations in exchange for votes on Jim's method of demise. At the end of this blog, I will supply the different areas of voting. I'll also attach a previous installment so you get how this works. I know times is rough, so I'm setting a minimum donation of $10 to vote. Obviously, any larger donation is encouraged, but I want everyone who wants to play to be able to. I would really like to avoid handing Jann a Lebowski-esque check, so....let's shake out our couch cushions, OK?

Things I should answer:

Deadline for voting: Friday, July 30th (the current season ends the next day)

Do I have to vote to donate?

Absolutely not. Any donation for any reason is greatly appreciated. But I don't know why you wouldn't.

Is Huron Playhouse involved in this strange little fundraiser?

NO, and I can't stress this enough. This is solely an independent effort by me, Chris Conley, and you. I am reaching out to the billions of Playhouse (and/or BGSU) alumni, and whoever they forward this to, who are online. If that affects how you feel about ways to donate, keep reading.

Is Jim aware that you're killing him for money?

Yes. And the phone call alone was totally worth it.

Why do you want to kill your mentor?

Have you met Jim?

Isn't this a bit morbid?

No. It's perfect.

Will we hurt his feelings?

Feelings?

Will he retaliate?

No. No one has access to who voted what with the exception of myself. Besides, he's sworn many times that he'll never go back to prison, and if he's anything, he's a man of his word. If you think he'll waste a parole violation on you, you should get over yourself.

Eh, I don't know...

Fine, Pollyanna. Jim loves the Playhouse. We love Jim. The best way to show Jim how much we love him is by killing him. Happy?

I don't know Jim. What if I don't want to kill him?

You should.

How do I donate and vote?

I'm glad you finally asked.

Votes will be accepted at: GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com

If you have a PayPal account:

Log in to http://www.paypal.com/, and go to the account under this email address. I will keep track of who sends what for voting purposes, as well as to update you all on how we're doing.

If you DO NOT have a PayPal account and do not wish to set one up:

Email me at GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com, and I will send you an invoice from PayPal and you can use your credit or debit card. IF YOU DO THIS, you must supply the following:

1. The amount that you will be donating (Don't be shy, I'm not tellin'. Every bit helps.) PayPal requires the invoices to be for the specified amount. That's why.

2. The Email address that the invoice is to be sent to.

If you are not comfortable using your credit card online and/or fear I may run off to Belize with your money, never to be heard from again:

Email me your vote at GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com and amount you wish to donate (I'm not being nosey, I'm keeping a record)

Donations may be mailed to:

The Huron Playhouse

P.O. Box 487

Huron, OH 44839

This is the direct mailbox to the Playhouse, and the most certain way to assure they receive it.
It is also maintained year round, so even if you send it late, they will get it. Please do not mail donations to the BGSU address given on the Playhouse website.

How will the Playhouse get the money?

I will either give Jann a check from the account, or transfer it. Depends on the amount and what is best for the Playhouse. I will supply the finished product and check (or amount to expect) to them on Saturday, July 31st.

Can I write this off?

YES! If you use your PayPal account, you have a record of your donation and can print the transaction, says the help desk at PayPal. If you go the invoice route, you'll get the invoice. If you donate directly to Playhouse by mail, ask for a receipt or use a copy of your check.

I will post updates on our progress. If, at any time, you have any questions or concerns, feel free to get in touch at GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com. I will supply the PayPal list to Jann to assure her and you that all of the money donated is in their hands.

Will you donate?

You bet your sweet ass, I am. I wanna vote, too.

And now....The Voting

1. Method

a.) Blunt force trauma

b.) Electrocution

c.) Fall

d.) Shooting

e.) Impaling

f.) Drowning

2. Cause

a.) Murder by one person

b.) Murder by large group of people

b.) Suicide

c.) Accident

3. Funeral

a.) Viking funeral with tea lights supplied by Captain Montague's Bed & Breakfast

b.) Ashes scattered in the penguin tank at the Toledo Zoo

c.) Body dumped in the penguin tank at the Toledo Zoo

c.) Cryogenically frozen

d.) Ashes made into LifeGem memorial diamond earrings for LeBron James.

e.) Taxidermy

f.) Ashes pressurized into another Blue Tray.

4. Precious Moments has volunteered to make a figurine of Jim with proceeds benefitting ____:

a.) Underprivileged cats who would like to pursue an education in theatre arts

b.) Adopt-A-Penguin

c.) Adopt-An-Actor

e.) Straight men who wish to pursue a career in Musical Theatre

f.) Theatre artists who sleep in schools

5. Random statement:

a.) "WWSBD? (What Would Steve Boone Do?)"

b.) "He liked cats....and penguins? What does that even mean?"

c.) "It's truly a shame. He'll never achieve his dream of directing Quilters."

d.) "What are we going to do with all these lilac shirts?"

e.) "What took so long?"

6. Production re-mounted in his name:

a.) Carousel

b.) South Pacific

c.) Annie

d.) Annie Get Your Gun!

e.) Little Mary Sunshine

f.) 1776

Any other suggestions are definitely welcome, and I will do my best to entertain and squeeze in as much as I can. Warning: You just may be featured. If you no likey, speak now. As I said before, the P.O. Box is maintained year round, so if now is not a good time for you, please consider sending something when it is. I will also continue the PayPal account, should anyone wish to donate later.

THANK YOU for reading, and (hopefully) donating. If anything, please forward this link to everyone you can and spread the word. Hey, even if 50 people donate $20, that's someone's stipend. "For the cost of 2 martini's, you can support this child." There's a reason I never worked for Sally Struthers :).

Links for you:

If you'd like to learn more about the Huron Playhouse: http://www.bgsu.edu/departments/theatrefilm/huron_playhouse/

If you'd like to learn how Jim was offed last year:

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=538674422&v=box_3#!/note.php?note_id=115889316588

By all means, comment, tell your stories, plead our case, etc. Subscribe if you like. I'll keep you updated.

And again, Voting ends on Friday, July 30th.