In case you don't know, The Huron Playhouse is an educational summer stock theatre located in Huron, OH (spitting distance from Lake Erie. Literally). It has been alive and kicking for 62 years, making it the longest running summer theatre in the state. Most of the staff is in the world of academia from colleges all over the country. The workday is 8:30am-10pm, including the evening performances when the season starts. It is a 7 week gig resulting in a 5 show season, which may sound insane. The day is divided into 3 shifts, and all acting company are required to work in various departments (scene shop, electrics, props, costumes, box office) when not in rehearsal. (Oddly enough, I spent very little time in the costume shop. Because I suck. But I did learn to cross-stitch, so take that!) Crazy right? Yes. But invaluable.
I was in the acting company my last 3 years of college, and since being what could be considered an adult, have been back to direct 3 shows. I have learned a ton there, not the least of which was, when you're around 50 people working just as hard (if not harder) with lots of deadlines, there is no time or room for ego. You may have a lead, but you're still gonna take out the trash. I learned that it is, in fact, possible to hit a high B onstage after hanging upside down with a socket wrench all day. Frankly, it taught me to work my ass off, and for that, I am forever indebted. Working in all the different departments has helped me tremendously as a director, actor, and person, and I had a blast doing it. Every theatre artist should do this at least once.
I have seen Jann Glann (Managing Director) and the rest of the staff go above and beyond to help company members, current and past, including myself. I got my first shot at directing a full-length play there, and am still grateful that they took a chance on me. Playhouse also has deep ties in the community, and brings in a lot of money to the local hotels and restaurants from family and friends of staff, subscribers, day-trippers, and more.
And the bars...I don't even want to think about what could happen to the bars. You don't want to see me cry.
Like so many others, I have had some of the best (and ridiculous) times of my life there, and the thought that they could go under because of money and circumstance is unacceptable to me. As that guy from that one movie said, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" So, what will you do, Chris?
I'm going to kill Jim Williams.
(On paper.)
But I can't do it alone.
The deal
I really want to help in some way, and if I'm left to use my talents, then I have to stick with one that I can legally use in exchange for money. Writing it is, then!
Jim Williams is the Production Coordinator for the Playhouse, as well as a director. He was my directing professor at BGSU, and is now the head of the theatre department at an undisclosed location. He is my Yoda. He is also an...acquired taste. The A.J. Pierzynski of theatre, if you will (Which, I suppose makes Jann an Ozzie Guillen, and... if you've ever heard either speak when excited, it's not a total stretch). He's the one you love to hate, but love all the same. I have known Jim for a looooong time. When I heard he was directing Annie there a few summers ago, the only thing more amusing to me would've been Equus at American Girl Place. So I wrote a fake death notice, where he was killed by a cast of little girls. This went over well, so the next time I worked there, I wrote another one. I would like to continue this, but I feel it's become a group effort. Who am I to deny anyone the joy of hypothetically killing Jim?
The Skinny:
I'm asking for donations in exchange for votes on Jim's method of demise. At the end of this blog, I will supply the different areas of voting. I'll also attach a previous installment so you get how this works. I know times is rough, so I'm setting a minimum donation of $10 to vote. Obviously, any larger donation is encouraged, but I want everyone who wants to play to be able to. I would really like to avoid handing Jann a Lebowski-esque check, so....let's shake out our couch cushions, OK?
Things I should answer:
Deadline for voting: Friday, July 30th (the current season ends the next day)
Do I have to vote to donate?
Absolutely not. Any donation for any reason is greatly appreciated. But I don't know why you wouldn't.
Is Huron Playhouse involved in this strange little fundraiser?
NO, and I can't stress this enough. This is solely an independent effort by me, Chris Conley, and you. I am reaching out to the billions of Playhouse (and/or BGSU) alumni, and whoever they forward this to, who are online. If that affects how you feel about ways to donate, keep reading.
Is Jim aware that you're killing him for money?
Yes. And the phone call alone was totally worth it.
Why do you want to kill your mentor?
Have you met Jim?
Isn't this a bit morbid?
No. It's perfect.
Will we hurt his feelings?
Feelings?
Will he retaliate?
No. No one has access to who voted what with the exception of myself. Besides, he's sworn many times that he'll never go back to prison, and if he's anything, he's a man of his word. If you think he'll waste a parole violation on you, you should get over yourself.
Eh, I don't know...
Fine, Pollyanna. Jim loves the Playhouse. We love Jim. The best way to show Jim how much we love him is by killing him. Happy?
I don't know Jim. What if I don't want to kill him?
You should.
How do I donate and vote?
I'm glad you finally asked.
Votes will be accepted at: GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com
If you have a PayPal account:
Log in to http://www.paypal.com/, and go to the account under this email address. I will keep track of who sends what for voting purposes, as well as to update you all on how we're doing.
If you DO NOT have a PayPal account and do not wish to set one up:
Email me at GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com, and I will send you an invoice from PayPal and you can use your credit or debit card. IF YOU DO THIS, you must supply the following:
1. The amount that you will be donating (Don't be shy, I'm not tellin'. Every bit helps.) PayPal requires the invoices to be for the specified amount. That's why.
2. The Email address that the invoice is to be sent to.
If you are not comfortable using your credit card online and/or fear I may run off to Belize with your money, never to be heard from again:
Email me your vote at GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com and amount you wish to donate (I'm not being nosey, I'm keeping a record)
Donations may be mailed to:
The Huron Playhouse
P.O. Box 487
Huron, OH 44839
This is the direct mailbox to the Playhouse, and the most certain way to assure they receive it.
It is also maintained year round, so even if you send it late, they will get it. Please do not mail donations to the BGSU address given on the Playhouse website.
It is also maintained year round, so even if you send it late, they will get it. Please do not mail donations to the BGSU address given on the Playhouse website.
How will the Playhouse get the money?
I will either give Jann a check from the account, or transfer it. Depends on the amount and what is best for the Playhouse. I will supply the finished product and check (or amount to expect) to them on Saturday, July 31st.
Can I write this off?
YES! If you use your PayPal account, you have a record of your donation and can print the transaction, says the help desk at PayPal. If you go the invoice route, you'll get the invoice. If you donate directly to Playhouse by mail, ask for a receipt or use a copy of your check.
I will post updates on our progress. If, at any time, you have any questions or concerns, feel free to get in touch at GoodbyeJim2010@gmail.com. I will supply the PayPal list to Jann to assure her and you that all of the money donated is in their hands.
Will you donate?
You bet your sweet ass, I am. I wanna vote, too.
And now....The Voting
1. Method
a.) Blunt force trauma
b.) Electrocution
c.) Fall
d.) Shooting
e.) Impaling
f.) Drowning
2. Cause
a.) Murder by one person
b.) Murder by large group of people
b.) Suicide
c.) Accident
3. Funeral
a.) Viking funeral with tea lights supplied by Captain Montague's Bed & Breakfast
b.) Ashes scattered in the penguin tank at the Toledo Zoo
c.) Body dumped in the penguin tank at the Toledo Zoo
c.) Cryogenically frozen
d.) Ashes made into LifeGem memorial diamond earrings for LeBron James.
e.) Taxidermy
f.) Ashes pressurized into another Blue Tray.
4. Precious Moments has volunteered to make a figurine of Jim with proceeds benefitting ____:
a.) Underprivileged cats who would like to pursue an education in theatre arts
b.) Adopt-A-Penguin
c.) Adopt-An-Actor
e.) Straight men who wish to pursue a career in Musical Theatre
f.) Theatre artists who sleep in schools
5. Random statement:
a.) "WWSBD? (What Would Steve Boone Do?)"
b.) "He liked cats....and penguins? What does that even mean?"
c.) "It's truly a shame. He'll never achieve his dream of directing Quilters."
d.) "What are we going to do with all these lilac shirts?"
e.) "What took so long?"
6. Production re-mounted in his name:
a.) Carousel
b.) South Pacific
c.) Annie
d.) Annie Get Your Gun!
e.) Little Mary Sunshine
f.) 1776
Any other suggestions are definitely welcome, and I will do my best to entertain and squeeze in as much as I can. Warning: You just may be featured. If you no likey, speak now. As I said before, the P.O. Box is maintained year round, so if now is not a good time for you, please consider sending something when it is. I will also continue the PayPal account, should anyone wish to donate later.
THANK YOU for reading, and (hopefully) donating. If anything, please forward this link to everyone you can and spread the word. Hey, even if 50 people donate $20, that's someone's stipend. "For the cost of 2 martini's, you can support this child." There's a reason I never worked for Sally Struthers :).
Links for you:
If you'd like to learn more about the Huron Playhouse: http://www.bgsu.edu/departments/theatrefilm/huron_playhouse/
If you'd like to learn how Jim was offed last year:
By all means, comment, tell your stories, plead our case, etc. Subscribe if you like. I'll keep you updated.
And again, Voting ends on Friday, July 30th.
Conley: I love you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Anonymous.
ReplyDeleteAmazing! Checks in the mail!
ReplyDeleteYay, thanks! Don't forget to vote, mystery person!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahaha! My dream to kill Jim has finally come true! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
ReplyDelete